For many years people have told me they have admired my honesty.
They’ve admired the way I’m not afraid to say what I am really thinking, to write in a candid, heartfelt way, and to wear my heart on my sleeve.
Friends of mine have even told me they’ve sometimes cringed (in a good way 😉 when I’ve said out loud the thing everyone else was thinking but couldn’t bring themselves to say.
I tell them “Thank you” but then add, “Is there any other way to live though?”
And is there?
Is there another way to breathe, move, act, think, decide, speak or live except for in an honest way?
Something I always remind the people I meet and that come into my life is that I wasn’t always an honest person.
I lied to myself for many years.
I told myself I was fine even though I was depressed at times.
I told myself I was functioning even though I spent the best part of two years living toxically on drugs, alcohol and coffee to get through a bad break up and escape a reality I wasn’t happy with.
I told myself my back problem would just sort itself out when in fact the debilitating pain was increasing day by day.
And I told myself I couldn’t leave my job and that I should be grateful for it because it gave me financial security even though I was miserable.
I lied to myself over and over.
Maybe you have told yourself similar lies?
Or maybe you don’t consider yourself a liar and you use the F word a lot too?
But from my personal experience, when I’m lying to myself, when I’m denying myself, I’m also lying to those close to me because I’m not living my truth and they are seeing a version of me that isn’t who I am.
Doing this for years meant that I was far from ‘fine’.
But what does being honest with ourselves really mean?
What does it really require of us?
Well, I believe it requires us to really listen to ourselves.
To shut off the noise, the distractions and the judgements or expectations of others and come home to who we are as a person.
I believe it requires us to reach a breaking point where we are done with denying ourselves.
A point where we are longing to stand in our truth, in our power, and to feel centred and certain about the future.
I believe is requires us to surrender and step into alignment, even if alignment looks completely different to everything we have been conditioned to believe is ‘normal’.
I believe honesty comes not from the head, but from the heart and the gut; our second brain.
I believe raw honesty requires us to get uncomfortable, to question, to open ourselves up to seeing things in a different way and to allow a force bigger than what we can see in our immediate reality to guide us.
And I also believe real honesty requires us to be brave despite feeling fearful at times, because it means we have to surrender to being completely vulnerable.
So can you be honest with yourself right now?
Can you get still enough to listen to what it is you really want?
And can you identify where you are currently lying to yourself in life?
Where are you denying an urge, a longing, a deep-seated desire that you have perhaps dampened to meet the needs of others but which has left you with more than one unmet need of your own?
Of course this can feel strange, to confront and invite in these needs, these feelings, but there are only a few simple questions to ask if you’re unsure about doing that…
What’s the alternative to not being honest with myself?
What’s the alternative for me if I am to continue denying something deep within me that is longing to be realised?
And can I be happy and at peace with that alternative?
When I work with my coaching clients and we get to questions like these, sometimes I hear the phrase “These are difficult questions”, or “I’m really struggling with the answers to these”.
But they are only difficult if we choose to see them that way.
Because actually the key to the door with all the answers is very very simple…
Listen to your heart and hear what it tells you.
You know the route forward even if the logical side of your brain is attempting to convince you otherwise.
So I invite you to get still, keep asking for guidance, and move forward from an honest place.
Because after all, is there any other way to live?