During a session with a private client recently we got to talking about resistance. She had been in huge resistance mode around starting some work we had planned in together, and even though she knew she’d been putting it off, she hadn’t identified it as actual resistance yet, and couldn’t quite put her finger on why she’d been feeling the way she had (disconnected, frustrated, not moving forward).
So I did what I always do with my private clients and I related to her feelings by sharing with her a little of my personal experience.
Because I for one, totally know and understand resistance. And unbeknownst to me before I became an entrepreneur, it had been hanging around me for many years.
It showed up in things like my perfectionism and the “I can’t start X until everything is straightened out/ready”.
It also showed up through my need to be obsessively clean and tidy, another form of perfectionism, so I’d always be cleaning my room or sorting out my clothes versus sitting down to get on with important homework when I was at Uni.
But I never experienced the full force of resistance until I started my own business, and I think the same things applies for many of us.
You see, as entrepreneurs, we have to motivate ourselves to do the work. There’s no boss, there’s no one watching over our shoulder. If the work doesn’t get done, there’s no one else to blame but ourselves.
Of course, some resistance can be a good way of checking in with ourselves as to whether the thing we’re putting off is actually something we need to do, but let me tell you something important right now…RESISTANCE IS NOT YOUR TRUE FRIEND.
Let her hang around too long and you’re screwed, because she’ll tell you all the things you need to hear to STAY in her energy.
She’ll say things like…
“Why don’t you just check FB one more time to see if anyone’s commented on that post you wrote yesterday”.
“Surely it’s time for another cup of tea, after all, you’ve been exercising and cleaning this morning, you deserve it”.
And so because I know this girl very well, I’m wondering if are you in resistance right now too?
Maybe you’ve been in that mode for a while and have noticed not that your resistance is actually present, but that you’ve been feeling more and more frustrated with yourself, disconnected, or disappointed because you’re ‘busy’ but you’re not getting anything done.
If you are, then don’t worry, there is a simple way to beat this feeling, and it comes down to just two simple steps.
- Acknowledging Resistance – You’ve gotta make peace with her, otherwise she’s just a nagging voice in your head that won’t go away. So tell her you see her, be nice to her (AKA being nice to yourself rather than fighting with yourself) but then politely ask her to chill out on the sofa for a while (for a long while), so you can have some quite time to do the work that matters to you (NOT your ‘busy’ admin work). It might be a new chapter of your e-book, it might be that amazing blog post that’s been swimming around your head for days, or the copy for a new course you’re launching. Whatever it is, you’re going to need to let her know that you appreciate her, but you only want to form a healthy working relationship with her, otherwise this is never going to work.
- Get Yourself Into a Place Of Action – And by this I mean, just sit down and do the god-forsaken work. If you’re still stalling here, take a deep breath in and ask yourself who you want be. Someone who lives in resistance, or someone who actually made something of their life? And I’m hoping you’ll choose the latter so that no matter what happens, you’ll decide that doing even just 30 minutes of meaningful work will allow you to realise that the dishes can wait until later.
When we’re in resistance mode we’re often in some form of fear so it’s worth looking deeper into what that fear is for you, but as I said to my private client the other day, resistance is not just an emotional block for many of us, it’s a physical block as well. When we’re resisting, we are in the opposite state to receiving, so whilst stuck in this mindset we’re often blocking abundance from coming into our lives and that includes clients, money, happiness and everything else we say we want but never seem to have enough of.
So learn to deal with and MOVE THROUGH your resistance in a healthy way, and I promise that the more you can do this, the bigger leaps you’ll take forward in your business, and before you know it, you two might even be quite good frenemies.