Confidence, Inspiration, Life Hacks

Be Your Own Best Friend; The Self Talk That Gets You to Your Goal

This title may sound a little odd, ok maybe crazy…but hear me out. This works and I want to share this with you, as I know how important it is to get to your goal, believe me.

 

Have you ever noticed when a friend is struggling that we naturally like to keep encouraging them to keep going? We help them feel like it is possible and even inspire them to reach their goal without giving up. We cheer them on the side line, we listen to them when they go through hard times. We’re kind and supportive of them…aren’t we?

 

Well why is it that when we, ourselves, have these moments – hiccups, trip over, even crash and feel like we’ve hit rock-bottom,  at the lowest possible level…we slap ourselves? We punish ourselves with horrible words like “You idiot!” “Why am I so stupid?” “I’ve got big hips” “Of course I can’t, I’m not as good looking as he is.” “He wouldn’t talk to someone like me.” “I’m hopeless.” “There’s nothing interesting about me!” “My work looks like cr-p!” “Who would do business with someone like me?”

 

Ever spoken to yourself that way?

 

I had many challenges along the way with my marathon goal. Yes, I trained hard for 11 months from only being able to run 30 tentative steps and there was this huge scary goal in front of me. Which at first, looked so high that even on my tippy toes I could hardly reach it…and I’m not short!

 

I carried a heavy load in the very beginning, physical injuries and mental baggage, struggling on my own to keep myself on track, to reach my huge scary goal. I wasn’t being kind to myself though. I found myself going through the motions of punishing myself with horrible words in the beginning, thinking that this would keep me going. But instead it only brought me down, just like my worst enemy would! I was treating myself badly with my self-talk. There it was! As plain as day! My self-talk was beating me up not lifting me up.9

 

However, I did not see this as clearly initially. It took words from a wise man to ask me “How would you talk to your best friend if they were in the same situation Donna?”

Hmmm…that was easy. Of course I am very encouraging to my friends and motivate them whenever possible with kind words of encouragement and support, whilst showing empathy and cheering them on the sideline. “This is how you need to talk to yourself.” The wise man stated. Aah yes! I see now! I am so glad I saw this in my early days of training.

Yes, I had my mantras. But sometimes we can slip up with our negative self-talk when things get tough, and this is what can get us further away rather than closer to our goal.

 

For example, if I was running alongside my best friend and she had to slow down and even walk at times in our training session, I wouldn’t bag her! I wouldn’t say “you idiot!” I would ask her if I could do anything to help her or simply encourage her to walk if she had to, as moving forward is better than stopping and giving up.

 

So these are the mind conversations I began to have with myself. I started to keep my spirits up which brought me closer to the huge hairy scary goal. I was asking myself where I needed help and seeking it, or just being easy on myself at times where I needed to have an easy run; either metaphorically or literally.

 

This is exactly the same for you in any part of your life. I use my example of my running challenge, but you may have a totally different goal. Perhaps you’re looking to grow your business? Or raise your children? Or even to find a happy relationship? The theory or methodology is exactly the same for your self-talk. Use the positive and encouraging self-talk that gets you to your goal.

 

We’d love your thoughts and feedback. Has your self-talk made a difference when dealing with a challenging situation? Are you usually harder on yourself than you are on your friends?

Donna Campisi

Inspiring speaker, blogger, author, humanitarian, crazy marathoner and adventurer at Run Donna Run
Donna’s message is to inspire and encourage us that ‘there’s no such thing as can’t…’ After surviving a stroke at 8 years of age, doctors said Donna would never walk or talk again. At 14 years of age, Donna was again in another critical condition, when diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1. Donna has face some challenges.

In Nov 2012 she was only able to run 30 tentative steps. In Oct 2013 she ran a marathon, creating her own challenge and fundraising campaign.

Donna is a woman who takes a challenge and believes it is achievable when broken into ‘baby steps’ and having the right mindset. When booking Donna to speak she covers various topics with enthusiasm to encourage and inspire entrepreneurs, corporates and students, and has a strong following through her writing and adventure challenges.
Find her on Instagram @run_donna_run

8 Comments

  1. 1

    The hardest thing about writing books is that long, long period of time with little or no validation. It takes a while to write one, and it’s very easy to start asking oneself, “What’s the point? Who will read this? Wouldn’t my time be better spent reading a technical book for my day job, or sleeping? Who cares about this silly hobby?” Then I remind myself that it may benefit my wife and kids, who depend on me; I have no choice but to get this right and to take those actions, even if it only means a small number of words per day.

    • 2

      Awesome Nathaniel! Then you change your self-talk and say “This book will benefit my wife and kids who depend on me!” “I am a brilliant writer who has the knowledge for this book to be written.” Even send a chapter to your best friend to receive feedback that you need.
      Check out http://www.therichdaily.com/using-baby-steps-to-achieve-your-massive-dreams/ this will help you get to your goal of completing your book, remember to celebrate after each step is completed…that will give you validation.
      Your self-talk/advice of the actions to be made daily is awesome advice! All the best Nathaniel, thanks for connecting, I look forward to hearing about your book 

  2. 3

    Hi Donna, it is so true, we are our hardest critics and that’s often encouraged by ideas of not to stick out of the crowd. It is a good idea to be as kind to oneself as we are to our friends! Well donn on running the marathon! Ulrike

  3. 5

    I am so going to take on the words of your “wise man”! I am guilty too of saving my support and compassion for others 🙂 For me it is a totally different set of expectations, and I can be harsh.

    Who knows maybe I will take up running too!

  4. 7

    Great article on such an important topic! It’s true that we would never talk to anyone the way we talk to ourselves sometimes. I struggled with negative self-talk a lot in the past but have gotten better. Mindset is the most important thing when it comes to reaching our goals and if we aren’t kind to ourselves it is unlikely we will get anywhere we want to go. I learnt to identify thoughts that were useful and not useful and only focus on the useful. Another thing that helped me was when I thought a negative thought to imagine it on a piece of paper and then I’d imagine throwing it over my shoulder. Sounds crazy but it worked for me. We are what we focus on.

    • 8

      Crazy is good Christel! It worked for you and that is what matters 🙂 Thanks for sharing, this is good advice for all of us. Focus is a VERY big part of reaching goals, I agree too 🙂

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